Don't let this happen to you.

Thanksgiving is upon us! Which means ’tis the season for holiday cooking disasters. But don’t worry – the Capital Region’s newest supermarket has you covered.

ShopRite’s Chefs on Call hotline will be available to answer your Thanksgiving cooking questions – whether you’re wondering how to thaw your turkey (a hint – if you haven’t started thawing it yet, you might be in trouble), or how to prepare a traditional dessert.  Members of ShopRite Chefs On Call are available at 1-800 SHOPRITE from from now through Thanksgiving Day, during the following hours: Wednesday 10:00am-7:30pm and Thursday 8:00AM – 2:00PM.

Customers can visit ShopRite’s Facebook page for special Thanksgiving Turkey Tips (including videos). You can even download and print a handy brochure on Turkey Basics from their website (www.shoprite.com).

You probably have to have a lot of patience and a great sense of humor to answer those turkey hotline calls. I can only imagine the kinds of things people ask. Like these gems, actual questions and situations posed to turkey hotline operators:

• If I put my phone in the turkey, can you tell me if it’s done?
• I’ve never cooked a turkey before–is it like cooking a raccoon?
• A woman called to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed. The woman responded, “I don’t know, it’s still running around outside.”
• Is it okay to thaw my turkey in the bathtub while bathing my kids?
• Can I brine my turkey in the washing machine?
• Can I take my frozen turkey into my sauna to thaw it faster?

Have you ever experienced a Thanksgiving cooking disaster? Let’s hear it!

You can never find coupons for healthy, nutritious food.  They’re always for processed crap that’s full of high-fructose corn syrup.

In a world with millions of starving people, we are a nation of greedy, malnourished fat-asses.

California is the perfect place for people who love the idea of fresh produce year round.  The *sad* part of this?   California’s government  is too f—ed up for me to actually want to live there.

There are people who actually eat Slim Jims.

I always *mean* to buy the fresh produce and nutritious snacks, but every time I go to Trader Joe’s I come home with pecan pralines, chocolate covered almonds, and 12 different kinds of cookies.

Polenta is delicious, but Fritos are easier.

Low fat macaroni and cheese always tastes better in theory than in reality.

Necco wafers are cute and nostalgic, but they make better classroom chalk than candy.

I hate salad.

The words “natural”, “gourmet”, and “artisanal” denote exactly nothing anymore; they’ve been coo-opted by Big Food and diluted to meaninglessness.

I have yet to hear anyone say anything complimentary about British cuisine.

The chocolate coating on Klondike Bars tastes weird.

I don't think it's really chocolate.

When I posted my deviled eggs recipe yesterday, underneath the post popped up a few “possibly related” posts from other blogs.  One of those posts contained a recipe for Spicy Deviled Eggs that called for harissa, a North African hot chili sauce that adds the “devilish” heat to the recipe.  The paste contains Piri piri (“African Devil”) chili peppers, tomatoes and paprika as its main ingredient, and also includes coriander, caraway, and cumin.

Harissa paste, a fiery North African condiment

One of my friends linked over to the post, and asked me about a local source for harissa.  I suggested possibly an ethnic food store, but the only ones around here that I know of specialize in Indian or Asian foodstuffs.  I don’t recall seeing it in Hannaford or Price Chopper, but then again I’ve never actually looked for it.

So, I am stumped.  Readers?

Kitchen Tools

This is a list of some cool tools – some essential, some whimsical, some probably ridiculous.  But they will no doubt make your foodie smile!

• If money is no object: your foodie NEEDS a KitchenAid Stand Mixer.  No self-respecting foodie should go without this essential tool.  It can be used for everything: kneading bread, mixing cookie dough, combining meat loaf mix, whipping cream.  And, if your foodie already has a stand mixer, you can always get them an attachment or two: meat grinder, sausage stuffer, grain mill, citrus juicer, pasta roller, ravioli maker, slicer/shredder, ice cream maker….
  

  Onion Goggles

• A powerful blender.  My pick is the KitchenAid 4-Speed Blender.  It REALLY crushes ice!  About $99, available in four colors.
• Onion Goggles (available at ThinkGeek for $24.95, at other places for various prices).  Tears no more!  These nifty little goggles prevent the noxious sulfur compounds from reaching your eyeballs, so you can finally chop onions without crying a river.
  

  The Beverage CADDi

• Nutmeg Grater (under $20).  My fave is this one by Cuisipro.  I no longer buy ground nutmeg, following a harrowing incident with a moldycontainer bought in the grocery store.  I now buy whole nutmegs from Penzey’s, and grate them as needed using the grater.
• OXO Electronic Kitchen Scale (around $50, available at kitchen stores and at www.oxo.com).  Every kitchen needs an accurate food scale that can measure in pounds and kilograms.  This one is great  – measures up to 11 pounds.
  

  The Happy Man Bottle Stopper. He sure is happy!

• The Beverage CADDi – it allows you to hang on to your coffee with one finger!  Price: $5.50 (“the cost of your last spilled latte,” according to the Beverage CADDi website).  I haven’t seen it in stores, but it’s available online.
• The Happy Man Bottle Stopper.  I think the picture says it all.

Other Foodie Gift Ideas

• Cooking classes – many local kitchen supply stores offer cooking classes, teaching a wide range of topics.  Here are a few:
  • Different Drummer’s Kitchen (Latham Cooking School and Northampton Cooking School)
  • Spoon & Whisk
  • Saratoga Restaurant Equipment Sales
  • Mimmy’s House Personal Chef Service (offers one-on-one classes)
• Wine Course from Wine Spectator School.  The Wine Spectator, a recognized name in wine culture, offers online wine education courses, on a variety of topics.  I’ve taken a few of these courses, and I think they’re great.  Courses last about 6 weeks, students set their own pace, there are guided tastings, and after passing the course exam, the student receives a certificate and a cool graduation gift (I got a mousepad last time)!  Cost varies, from $39 up to about $149.
• Gift Certificate to Penzey’s, the only place to buy spices.  I will never ever buy grocery-store spices again.  Penzey’s is the best quality, ships fast, and they’re inexpensive.  Plus they’ve got awesome gift collections, if you’d rather buy a pre-boxed set.  They also have cool catalogs, which arrive *very* frequently.
• Foodie DVD’s – Julie & Julia, Chocolat, Sideways, SuperSize Me, Food Inc., Eating Alaska.  And those are just the ones I saw.  There are many more – check out this Amazon.com list for other suggestions.
• Omaha Steaks – Bob and I are big fans of ordering meat online.  Their beef is outstanding, pork is great, chicken is okay, desserts you shouldn’t bother ordering (except the Caramel Apple Tartlets – delicious!).

Well, that’s it for now.  If I think of anything else, I’ll let you know.  Deck the Halls, and all that jazz.

What would you prepare if a friend sent a bushel of Chesapeake Bay Oysters (live, unshucked) to your home as a gift?  The approximately 100 oysters will be packed so as to keep for 2 weeks and come with two oyster knives.

Your friend,  Joanne

What nice friends you have!  A very thoughtful gift.

I personally do not like oysters, and thus have never prepared them myself.   Can any of you out there offer Joanne some guidance?  The only thing I can offer is a wine suggestion – a very dry sparking wine, perhaps Gruet Brut from New Mexico.  One of my personal favorites.

My husband, needs to make a restaurant recommendation to a friend who is coming in from out of town with family. They want to go somewhere nice but not necessarily fancy. Here’s the hitch, a couple of them are vegetarians and one has some health complication that means they need vegetarian choices (no onions, can you imagine?). Me, I’m a meat eater. Heck, I’m an everything eater. So I came up almost blank. Being the foodie you are I thought you might have a suggestion. Any ideas?

I’m drawing a blank as well…does anyone have any suggestions?  I’m assuming that the restaurant would preferably within easy driving distance from Schenectady.

Balut

A balut is a fertilized duck (or chicken) egg with a nearly-developed embryo inside that is boiled and eaten in the shell. They are common, everyday food in some countries in Southeast Asia, such as in the Philippines, Cambodia, and Vietnam. Popularly believed to be an aphrodisiac and considered a high-protein, hearty snack, balut are mostly sold by street vendors at night in the regions where they are available. They are often served with beer.

I think I’d need more than “beer” to wash that nastiness down.  More like  “general anesthesia” or a “blunt force trauma to the head”.

Ick.  Somebody make me stop posting these things.

Hello, I am looking for a restaurant in or around Schenectady, New York that has really good macaroni and cheese. Can you help me?

Hmmm…that is a great question.  I haven’t had macaroni and cheese in a long time, and when I do I make it myself, so this is toughie.

Here’s what I do know: readers of Steve Barnes’ Table Hopping blog have recently expressed interest in organizing a mac-and-cheese cookoff, and apparently plans are underway for sometime early next year.  Being a professional events planner, and amateur chef, I think is something that I MUST attend. I’ll keep my readers posted about developments…can someone say “Field Trip”???

Back to business.  Sometime last year, I had lunch at a downtown Schenectady restaurant called The Backstage Pub & Grill on Smith Street, behind Proctors.  It was a Friday during Lent, because they were serving fish fry as the lunch special, with a side of mac and cheese.  I thought it was great!  Very creamy, several cheeses used, and with a deliciously buttery crumb topping.  The perfect side dish for a fish fry (well, that and cole slaw, but I digress).  Here’s the problem: The Backstage Pub recently changed ownership, and most likely changed chefs.  So, I cannot guarantee a similar experience today.

I had a not-good-at-all mac and cheese at my favorite quick-bite spot, The Halfmoon Diner.  There are many, many things that the Halfmoon Diner does well – macaroni and cheese is NOT one of them.

Readers, I need your help with this one – does anyone know a good spot for mac-and-cheese in and around Schenectady?

In the meantime, for my all-time favorite homemade macaroni and cheese recipe, click HERE.  And don’t worry – it’s from Cooking Light magazine, so it won’t kill you!

Here’s how it works:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here www.wendalicious.wordpress.com linking to your results.

Note to Novices: I’ve added a link to the more obscure offerings.  Even I didn’t know a few of them…

The list after the jump…

The Wendalicious Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile: I’ve had fried alligator nuggets – does that count?
6. Black pudding: at Eamonn’s once, on St. Patrick’s Day.  I must have been drunk.
7. Cheese fondue: I grew up in the 70′s, didn’t I?
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari: I thought they were onion rings.
    
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi: it’s bolded, I’ve eaten it.  And man is it good!
    
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes: quite a lot, as it happens.
19. Steamed pork buns: Chinese comfort food (for me, anyway)
20. Pistachio ice cream: just the other night!  mmmmm…
    
21. Heirloom tomatoes: I had some tonight!
    
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper: why would I do a stupid thing like that?
27. Dulce de leche: not yet, but it sounds pretty damn good…
28. Oysters: yuck.
    
29. Baklava: Dessert of the Greek Gods. Mount Olympus-y!
    
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl: I’m severely allergic to clam chowder, unfortunately.  Found that out the hard way one vacation in Cape Cod…
    
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O: remember those parties I used to have, with the Jell-O fishbowl?  I don’t.
    
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal: I‘d try a little…and wash it down with some lassi
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more: If someone bought it for me…I can’t afford it.
46. Fugu No. F***ing. Way.
    
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal: sadly, fatly, yes.
    
56. Spaetzle: in fact, I make my own!  Recipe coming someday…
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV: Molson XXX (14%), smuggled in from Canada, back in college
    
59. Poutine: looks kinda gross, but I’d try it.
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads: though my neighbor Chef Mark is lobbying HARD to get me to try them…
63. Kaolin: this is a ROCK.  Why is this on the list?
64. Currywurst.  Sounds interesting…
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs: gives me the creeps
    
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake All of the above!
    
68. Haggis: uh, no.
69. Fried plantain: at a Cuban restaurant in Florida…oh my, yummy!
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette. No thank you to both.
71. Gazpacho: made some last week!
    
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill. What?
    
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie: again, sadly.
78. Snails
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant  I fear I will NEVER get this opportunity, since it involves actually traveling outside the U.S. (and my dear hubby lately is a bit of a homebody)
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare, rabbit. I am still haunted by a horrible childhood memory of a skinned Bugs Bunny lying in my Grandma’s kitchen sink
    
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate.  If it’s chocolate, I’m in.
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee. I wasn’t impressed.  Now I want to try some Kopi Luwak…
    
100. Snake

My score is 50, 51 if you count the crocodile.  I’m nowhere NEAR as adventurous as someone called Wendalicious should be.  But I’m okay with that.

Trendy? Or just plain dumb?

A reader writes:

Dear Wendalicious,

So. What do you think of the TU’s article on the latest Cupcake Craze? Is it a “flash in the pan” trend or do you think it will stick?

Shannon from Averill Park

Well, “Shannon” (if that’s your real name), it’s funny you should ask me this question about cupcakes. Well, to be brutally honest, it wasn’t funny when you ORIGINALLY sent the question (back in April – sorry), but it’s funny now.

This evening, whilst driving home from a picnic in Schenectady Central Park (Schenectady’s Crown Jewel), I was listening to a podcast of one of my favorite radio shows, “Good Food” from KCRW in Los Angeles. The host, Evan Kleiman, was interviewing the owner of a strange little website called Cupcake Fetish. It touts itself as “the most comprehensive cupcake directory and cupcake review website!” Hm.

Apparently, this woman decided to embark upon a cross-country journey (she called it the “Cupcake Crawl”), sampling the wares at every cupcake joint she and her traveling partner could find. Who knew there was even such a thing as a cupcake joint? I knew about the infamous Magnolia Bakery in NYC, and the Sprinkles Cupcakes franchise and mail-order shop, but I had no idea that this was an certified food movement.

This website actually has a mapping tool to help you locate THE CUPCAKE RETAILER CLOSEST TO YOUR LOCATION. Seriously. Just look at this ridiculous website’s stats:

690 stores in 17 countries
342 cupcake reviews
83,717 Unique Visitors

Do we really need this? Come on. It’s cake. Little cake. YOU CAN MAKE THEM AT HOME!

But based on those stats, the quest for the cupcake has become a food movement, my friends. I guess it just hasn’t moved to upstate NY yet. There’s not a pin on that map within 150 miles of here, in any direction.

So, to answer your question “Shannon”, I just don’t know. It seems kinda silly, doesn’t it? All this fuss over cupcakes? In my humble opinion, I think that there’s a limit to the effectiveness of niche marketing. There’s only so much you can do to a cupcake, and when people get tired of them and move on to the next trendy thing, POOF! That’s the end of your business.

I remain skeptical. It’s most likely because I DIDN’T THINK OF IT FIRST.

What’s next, you ask? My guess is this: cooking with soil (aka DIRT). Trust me on this one – it’s gonna happen.