Usually, at the turn of the new year, I will reflect on past trends and attempt to predict the ones we may expect in the coming months. I also usually give this post some forethought, so I’m able to provide links as well as cogent arguments for my prognostications. Not this year. This year, I’m just fed Β up, and I need to publicly announce my latest irritations.

  • diet-coke-with-baconBacon in everything, on everything, and next to everything – chocolate cookies, vodka, toothpaste, jewelry. We get it. Bacon is tasty. Do we have to make it a cult?
  • Gluten-free everything. Unless you have Celiac disease, or are legitimately gluten-intolerant or gluten-sensitive. But it seems a lot of people are adopting GF as a healthier way of eating. A gluten-free diet does not have any significant health benefits, unless of course eating it will kill you. Please let me reiterate: if you or your child is allergic to gluten, you are exempt from my rantings. I get it, and completely understand.
  • The phrase “crave-worthy”.
  • Guy Fieri. I know I’m not alone on this one.
  • Fried eggs on top of Every. Fucking. Thing. Sorry for the obscenity, but why do people continually slap eggs on top of shit? And then take a goddamn picture of it?Β Oh, and don’t get me started on the pictures of everything.
  • The word “nom” or the phrase “om nom nom”. They just make my skin crawl.
  • Being preached at about the latest trendy food obsessions: wheat-free, vegan, slow carb, no carb, no sugar, no fat, no dairy. Do what you want, really. I will never, ever criticize your food choices (well, unless you’re eating celery. That’s just wrong), and expect the same in return. We have one life, and if I want to waste it eating stale Cool Ranch Doritos, I will (but I really won’t because those things are f-ing disgusting). Don’t judge me (or tase me, bro).

I’m glad I got that off my chest. Listen, I’ll try to be more positive in 2013. I will TRY.

Happy New Year!