Usually, at the turn of the new year, I will reflect on past trends and attempt to predict the ones we may expect in the coming months. I also usually give this post some forethought, so I’m able to provide links as well as cogent arguments for my prognostications. Not this year. This year, I’m just fed up, and I need to publicly announce my latest irritations.
- Bacon in everything, on everything, and next to everything – chocolate cookies, vodka, toothpaste, jewelry. We get it. Bacon is tasty. Do we have to make it a cult?
- Gluten-free everything. Unless you have Celiac disease, or are legitimately gluten-intolerant or gluten-sensitive. But it seems a lot of people are adopting GF as a healthier way of eating. A gluten-free diet does not have any significant health benefits, unless of course eating it will kill you. Please let me reiterate: if you or your child is allergic to gluten, you are exempt from my rantings. I get it, and completely understand.
- The phrase “crave-worthy”.
- Guy Fieri. I know I’m not alone on this one.
- Fried eggs on top of Every. Fucking. Thing. Sorry for the obscenity, but why do people continually slap eggs on top of shit? And then take a goddamn picture of it? Oh, and don’t get me started on the pictures of everything.
- The word “nom” or the phrase “om nom nom”. They just make my skin crawl.
- Being preached at about the latest trendy food obsessions: wheat-free, vegan, slow carb, no carb, no sugar, no fat, no dairy. Do what you want, really. I will never, ever criticize your food choices (well, unless you’re eating celery. That’s just wrong), and expect the same in return. We have one life, and if I want to waste it eating stale Cool Ranch Doritos, I will (but I really won’t because those things are f-ing disgusting). Don’t judge me (or tase me, bro).
I’m glad I got that off my chest. Listen, I’ll try to be more positive in 2013. I will TRY.