Confessions of a Fearful Foodie
Let’s get it right out of the way: I am fearful of eating certain foods. Well, perhaps fearful is not the word. Hesitant, reticent, leery. Creeped out, even. I love to cook, love to eat, love to share food with others, love to read about food. But, as I alluded to in a previous post, there are foods that I just won’t eat.
I’d love to be more adventurous, really I would, but there are a few things that nag me about what I consider “weird foods”. Knowing full well that my foodie card is about to be revoked, perhaps I should explain myself with some specific items that give me the creeps:
Brains/other organs – really, as an American living in the land of plenty, I do not feel the need to eat “snout to tail”. Livers, stomachs, tongues, cheeks, tails – all things that should be buried along with their now-dead owners. I’d truthfully like to quit eating meat altogether, but I really do like hamburgers and boneless chicken wings.
- Insects/Worms/Arachnids – again, no need. I get plenty of protein and don’t need bugs in my diet. Plus they are squirmy and disgusting (especially worms). They’re really not food. Come on.
- Frogs – they are slimy and green. Yup, that’s my reason.
- Eggs, other than chicken – I’m not really sure why I’m averse to this one. But, for some strange reason, the thought of quail eggs or duck eggs just makes me want to retch. Probably just because I’ve never eaten anything other that chicken eggs. Friends of mine (Alisa & Stephen) keep extolling the virtues of duck eggs, but the only way they’re going to get me to eat one is if they sneak it in an omelet they make for me. Hint.
- Oysters/Clams/Mussels – I have been known to enjoy Oysters Rockefeller and fried belly clams, but I’m not a fan of the raw bivalves. I have eaten them, and they remind me of cold mucus. I’m done with them. I tried.
Rabbit – I had a harrowing rabbit-as-food experience when I was a kid, and it will never leave me. We were eating dinner at my grandparent’s house one night, and Grandma was cooking up a rabbit that Papa had apparently shot that afternoon. I pulled up a chair to the kitchen sink, and peeked my little head over the side and saw the distinct shape of a rabbit, ears and all from what I remember, all skinned and purple. I can still see that image in my head. I can’t remember if I actually ate rabbit that night (I doubt it), but I know I have no interest in eating it now. Heebie-jeebies.
- Goat – I would probably eat this if I was traveling in the Middle East.
- Whole Lobster – too much work, too many eyeballs and antennae, and too much green slimy stuff. Lobster meat, lobster claws, lobster tails – all delicious and acceptable.
- Okra – I am sure it doesn’t taste all that bad, flavorwise, but every description I’ve ever read uses the words “slime” or “slimy”. As in, “Certain cooking techniques will prevent your okra dish from being overly slimy”. Which means, “Oh, it’s gonna be slimy, all right, nothing you can do about that. But you can maybe cut down on the sliminess by 0.2% by deep fying and slapping some hot sauce on it.” I will not eat any food that has the slimy built right in.
- Tapioca Pudding – what the f*** is tapioca anyway? Okay, I know what tapioca is. But why would I want to eat it? The texture of those knobbly little slimy balls makes my stomach turn. Add creamy milky pudding to that party, and get ready to swab the deck, Cap’n. Same goes for Bubble Tea (yes, I know, it’s tapioca) and Cream of Wheat (yes, I know, not tapioca). I just threw up on my keyboard.
Other weird food things about me:
- I will only order fish in a restaurant, and will never cook it at home. Once bitten with food poisoning, twice shy.
- I enjoy day-old sub sandwiches, where the tomato and lettuce juices seep into the bread and make it mushy.
- I like to dip Wendy’s french fries into a Wendy’s chocolate Frosty. I haven’t done this in years, but I know I like it.
- I freaking hate celery.
- I do not like Bailey’s Irish Cream. Many people find this very odd.
- My favorite breakfast is a butter & peanut butter hardroll from Stewart’s. Only 86 cents!
- I dislike regular raisins, but love golden raisins.
- I cannot tolerate sour things. Have you ever heard of supertasters? In a nutshell, supertasters are people who experience taste at intensity levels way beyond normal people. Personally, I believe that I am a sour supertaster, as I am unable to even *think* about a sour food without my mouth watering and my lips puckering. I have not been tested, but I know this is true.
What’s your food weirdness?